2-2-21

I was reading Psalm 18 today. Verse 1 starts off with an introduction, “1 For the choir director. A Psalm of David the servant of the LORD, who spoke to the LORD the words of this song in the day that the LORD delivered him from the hand of all his enemies and from the hand of Saul….” Many of the Psalms begin in this way to give you context and to introduce to you the author who is getting ready to speak. David opens up this Psalm with a simple and straight forward statement, “…And he said, “I love You, O LORD, my strength.” In the next verses, David goes on to describe what Yah is to him, “2 The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, My God, my rock, in whom I take refuge; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.” Oh these are such beautiful words from a man after Yah’s own heart (1 Samuel 13:14). Can’t you just feel the endearment, the pure devoted affection he has for the Father? I just weep when I read these words.

I sat here thinking about this, and so many questions arose in my mind. Do I love Yah like that? Is my heart pure? What is the Father to me? My head was just reeling with all sorts of self examination. Then, a question popped up into my mind that I had never thought about before, “Would I love Yah even if He didn’t promise me eternity? If I was only promised today, would I still love Him?” I just paused silently, checking the thoughts in my heart. The thought of only loving the Father for what He will give me really unsettled my soul. It made me feel selfish.

I looked back at the words of David. The things he describes are all present to him, Yah is his rock, He is his salvation. Not to say that David didn’t have hope for the future, but he was so captivated by the goodness of the Father because he had a present and ongoing relationship with Him. He didn’t just love the Father because of the gifts He would give him, he loved Him with his whole heart because he walked with Him every day. Do I have a present and ongoing relationship with my Deliverer like David did? Can there even be a relationship if I am only looking to the prize at the end?

I’m ashamed to say that sometimes I do take my relationship with the Father for granted. There are times that I have read His Word just because I longed for knowledge for knowledge sake, like checking off a list of accomplishments without the heart that should have been behind it. Instead, I should have savored each syllable because it teaches me about the Father, what are His likes and dislikes, so that I can get to know His heart. Sometimes I don’t praise Him for the blessings He gives me freely each and every day. I guess I kind of act like somehow I am deserving His grace. I am mostly ashamed though of the times that I just don’t pray or talk to Him. How can I show someone love if we don’t speak? I know that I am so thankful for the gift of eternity He has promised me through His Son (John 3:16-17), but I don’t always show him my love for what He is already doing for me right now.

Even though it feels shameful to find these things inside of me, I am so thankful that the Father posed that question in my heart today. Without it I couldn’t have seen where I am falling short on showing Him my love. Sometimes when He shines a light in my dark corners, I really don’t like what I see, but He is gracious and kind to point it out so that He can help me work through it. This present life is a gift from the Father just as precious as the future! He wants a relationship with me now!

I want to love Yah the way He loves, the way David loved Him! I want to yearn for a closer walk with Him with every breath of my life, not just longing for the gift at the end. I don’t want to miss out on a relationship with Him now, only looking for that relationship to start in eternity. There is so much I would miss!

Father, I pray that you teach my heart to be like Yours. Please forgive me for treating you like a stranger. You are my Joy, You are my Peace, my Teacher, my Corrector. Without You I am without purpose, without guidance, wondering aimlessly in a foreign land with no hope. Thank You for loving me always and without bounds, because I am so undeserving of that kind of love.